Tell Me Again How She Treats You
When a grown daughter is mean to her mother
Q. I have post-traumatic stress disorder considering I was physically and emotionally dilapidated by my father, an alcoholic, and my mother, a drug aficionado. But the abuse I get now is much worse.
My beautiful, sweet picayune girl in one case loved me, just she'south 33 now and has hurt me more than anyone ever has. This saddens me beyond words and makes me wake upwardly in a panic.
I got meaning in college, and though her begetter married someone else, nosotros had a series of affairs whenever they separated. These repeated appearances and disappearances were hard on my daughter, however, and she was very aroused when nosotros finally got married.
My daughter and I lived on welfare for the starting time six years, all the same, until I got a chore equally a zookeeper. Here, they treated my daughter similar their mascot and and so hired her at 13, which helped her become a total scholarship at a prestigious private high school. Though consumed by her studies, she received many awards, won many friends, captured the hearts of many boys and was respected by both teachers and classmates.
In those days, she never asked for annihilation. She comforted me when my depression got worse and we remained shut even as she morphed into a grumpy, harried, impatient, selfish teenager at an all-women's college. It was there that she had a lesbian human relationship with a woman who had been abused past her parents, which led my daughter to accuse her begetter and me of abuse and neglect; to treat me with sarcasm and cruelty and to tell me that she was disgusted by my illnesses and how I dealt with them, even though I seldom talk to her about my problems. She even said that she wanted a mother who was a mature, professional adult female she could respect, not someone who was weak and depressed.
(Hadley Hooper/for The Washington Postal service)
Later she bankrupt upwards with this woman, married a man she met in India, moved with him to his native Australia and at present has a toddler. She tells me that her son is very close to his other grandparents, but will not tell me if my packages have arrived safely or fifty-fifty thank me for the items I've sent.
My girl is expecting over again and said that I could name the infant. Just she doesn't like the proper noun I chose and won't use information technology. When we told her how disappointed I was, she said I was acting like a drama queen and that our selfish, childish behavior had ruined this happy occasion.
I don't want to communicate with my daughter anymore, but what if she cuts us off from our grandchildren? What so?
A. You'll e'er be cut off from your grandchildren to some extent unless you and your girl learn to permit each other get.
This should have happened when she was a teenager, the time when children either leave their emotional nests or rebel, get depressed or angrily blame others for their own behavior. Unfortunately, the safest person for your daughter to blame was the person she had loved so long and so well, which must brand her words hurt all the more.
Don't dwell on them, though, and don't talk to your daughter as she talks to you, for words, once said, cannot be unsaid. Instead, set boundaries for yourself and be more aristocratic. This will make her reach out to you lot, if only to see what'due south going on.
If she'due south rude or accuses you of some mistake all the same, simply say, "You must be tired; I'll call another 24-hour interval" and don't phone her over again for a couple of weeks. When your daughter gets the same treatment, over and over, she'll realize that her tantrums don't piece of work anymore.
Send fewer packages, too, and ask the postal service office to tell you when they have arrived, instead of asking your girl if they got there. Don't compete for your grandson's affection, either. Information technology'due south not for sale. Just Skype him once a month; mail funny postcards to him and send him the same treats his mother loved at his age.
Finally, at that place's therapy. Your girl clearly needs it, although you lot shouldn't tell her so, and you demand it, likewise, for you've endured more than than yous can handle lonely. Look for a psychologist who'southward trained in cognitive behavioral therapy and in free energy therapy, besides, because it tin sometimes assist with mail-traumatic stress syndrome.
Life is a journey which must be walked, even when the hills are steep and the valleys are filled with despair. There is no standing still.
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Source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/advice/when-a-grown-daughter-is-mean-to-her-mother/2011/11/16/gIQA4przhN_story.html
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